The truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth

It’s a long established practice in courts all over the world to place your left hand on a holy book – in most places, the bible – and swear that you are telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God. Apparently doing this automatically makes you immediately lose all pretensions and speak only the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth. Bullshit!!

Hardcore criminals will place their hands on any book – Bible, Quran, Bhagavad Gita – and say whatever bullshit they need to say just to get their ass off scot-free. Jack The Ripper’s not going to admit killing all those he killed just because his hands are on some holy book, if he’s got some means of escaping punishment. The only dudes who actually brag about their kills are those who know they’ve got no chance of escaping punishment or the really psychotic sickos.

Now if you not a really psychotic sicko or whatever you’ve done is still open to debate, I’ll bet my bottom dollar that you will also place your hand on any holy book I put in front of you and declare your innocence. You will swear on your God. You will swear on your mother’s grave or your kid’s head. You will swear on your stained underwear if you have to. The simple reason for this is there’s no one to challenge you on what you’re swearing. Your God is not going to. Your dead mother can’t, her grave can’t speak.

Okay, swearing on one’s holy book is all about post-mortem retribution, you say. Who gives a rat’s ass about how your god retributes you after you’re dead and gone. It’s while you’re here is when you’ve caused the damage. That damage could ruin generations. Is your god going to retribute you or your entire generation?

So by swearing on the Quran, has Saiful convinced me that he is telling the truth about being sodomised? Not a chance in hell. The only thing he has successfully done is proven to me how lightly he takes his religion and his belief.

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The outpouring of sympathy, empathy and support Saiful received upon his swearing ceremony was in itself worthy of an Olympic athlete. If only more Malaysians would support our sports and sportsmen and women like this, I’m sure Malaysia can produce our own Phelps and Lin Dans in the mould of Datuk Nicol. But that’s beside the point.

There was this little cicakman who, in his eagerness for Anwar to take up the Quran, said that settling this the legal way was not good enough. Wow! Imagine that. Using the legal route is not the best way to get justice, fairness and equality it seems. All you need is a holy book.
Holy cow! All the printing presses better get prepared for the avalanche of holy book orders soon.

Then there was the PM. He’s like this guy who’s learnt something new and thinks no one else knows it so he wants to show it off. The only problem with that plan is that most folks heard about reverse psychology while he was having one of those snoozes he’s now famous for. He goes around making speeches and in the course of these speeches, inserts quotes like, “it’s up to Anwar whether he wants to swear” and “Saiful’s got nothing to do with PP by-election”. Wow!!