Just do your own FU*#@NG jobs and Malaysia really will Boleh.

Malaysia Boleh. Well we all know how that one turned out don't we? It started out pretty well, I should say. Initially it was used as a unifying cry, a slogan or phrase that was supposed to be symbolic to all Malaysians. In the same way that Liverpool supporters the world over get goosebumps when they hear the phrase "You'll never walk alone", Malaysians from all walks of life the world over felt a sense of pride when we heard "Malaysia Boleh".

But fast forward to today and we all know that the phrase Malaysia Boleh stands for and is indicative of all that is wrong with our country. Today, Malaysia Boleh is no more something to be proud of. It is used in an insulting way to say that our country is a land where anything is possible. And in case anyone is still not very clear, most of these possibilities are of the negative kind.

For example, we have a Deputy Prime Minister who is so down to earth and close to his constituents and the common folk, that college dropouts can drop by his office to discuss obtaining scholarships. Now, the fact that there is an Education Ministry and a Higher Education Ministry plus the Public Services Department dealing with scholarships added to the fact that the Deputy Prime Minister's office doesn't do scholarships, is another prime example of Malaysia Boleh in action.

Not satisfied with the empathy he shares with the common folk regarding their education, the Deputy Prime Minister also leaves his house door open to all and sundry to come and share their problems with him. Well, Malaysia Boleh.

Anyway, that's all yesterday's news.

Today's newspapers provided yet again another prime example of Malaysia Boleh as exemplified by our leaders. This time it is the Prime Minister himself. As though not having enough on his plate as the leader of the country and the Minister in charge of the finances of the country, he has now taken on the role as spokesperson for the royal Malaysian Police. Yup, with the image of the police force already in shambles as it is, our Prime Minister has been appointed as their spokesman. Whether this exercise is to provide a better or softer image of the force is still up to debate, but what is certain is that it in itself is an exercise in futility. Just as it would be futile to get Saddam Hussein to build up Osama Bin Laden's image.

Or could it be that the Prime Minister has heeded the Ketua Setiausaha Negara's advice to all civil servants and gotten himself another job to supplement his income in these days of belt tightening? Whatever it is, the Prime Minister speaking on behalf of the Police or even speaking to the police regarding an ongoing case which involves one of the Prime Minister's closest political adversaries is just what is needed to make the whole thing seem more like the conspiracy that everyone believes it is.

In any case, below is the report from the online edition of The Star from 19th July 2008 which carried this Malaysia Boleh report. I have included in between the report certain comments and questions that cropped up in my head as i was reading it.

Saturday July 19, 2008

Abdullah urges Anwar to give sample for DNA test

By V.P. SUJATA

PUTRAJAYA: There is no political conspiracy against PKR leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said. (Yeah right! Why would there be? After all, Anwar Ibrahim is irrelevant, isn't he? He only happens to be ONE of the guys interested in your job, right?)

Abdullah also guaranteed Anwar's safety in facing investigations into the sodomy allegation and urged him to allow the authorities to take a sample for DNA test. (I believe you, Anwar believes you, heck the whole country believes you. We saw you arranging for his safety by arranging a convoy of police vehicles to bring him safely to the police station waaay before his appointed time, right?)

Abdullah said no one should believe there was a conspiracy against Anwar although he could not stop the international perception that this was happening. (Err, can you stop anything that's happening ah, you lame limp donkey dick?)

“They said it is something like what had happened before. If one wants to believe, how do we control such things?

“What they are accusing us of is not right at all,” he told reporters here yesterday after launching Hydrofuel, a gadget to help reduce fuel consumption in cars. (I was curious why this little snippet of info was slipped in here. Anyone got any idea who's behind the company importing or marketing this Hydrofuel product?)

Abdullah gave his assurance that investigations into the sodomy allegation against Anwar would be conducted professionally. (By what or whose standards of professionalism are we talking about here, Mr PM? FYI, there exists even professional con artists and professional thieves)

He said he had met Anwar's wife Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail, who is PKR president, and party vice-president Azmin Ali and guaranteed them Anwar's safety.

“I can give the assurance. (Like all your other assurances - wedding, election, petrol price? Dei, I also can give assurances la, about anything I want.)

“His wife had met me to ensure there will not be a repeat of the earlier 'black eye' incident.”

He said Azmin had also asked for assurance and he had guaranteed that Anwar would be safe.

“We will investigate according to the provisions of the law,” he said. (But you guys have been known to shift the goalpoasts whenever you need to, what?)

Abdullah said a fresh DNA sample from Anwar was necessary to facilitate investigations.

“The DNA sample the authorities have is too old so they need a new sample. What is wrong with that? (What is wrong with that? What is wrong with that? Go do your homework first before vomiting out information that your stupid speechwriter gives you la. Didn't you read what the DNA experts had to say, that DNA can last for years?)

“If he insists that he is not involved (in sodomy as alleged), give the sample now and we will see the results as proof,” he said. (Can't he also invoke the 'Wallabi Wahallabi' [or something like that] oath that your deputy used, to declare his innocence?)

He added that police wanted to solve the case fast but were unable to do so due to difficulties in getting the DNA sample. (Solve the case fast or put him away fast, Mr PM?)

“If we wanted to complete the case fast, it could have been done yesterday but (it is) not finished yet,” Abdullah said. (WE? WE? Who the flying f*#% is WE? Since when did you join the police force la dei? Or are you saying that the WE is the government, and if you wanted, you could have finished him off yesterday?)

Malaysia Boleh? Go figure

What's Happening La? Who cares, Lets make something happen.

This is becoming more and more irritating by the day. We have long passed the stage where this whole drama was actually a tiny bit interesting. It is now more like a comedy that has gone stale and is not funny anymore. It is now just plain stupid, imbecilic and a complete waste of everybody's time and intelligence. Or wait, could that be the big idea? Could that be what whoever is conducting this stage show is hoping for? That we get so sick and tired of it, that we lose interest and let whatever will be, to just bloody well be lah.... Que sera sera, Malaysia version?

I don't know. I really don't know. On one hand, we have the number two leader in the country and the guy trying to outwit him into the number one spot, sparring with each other. Then we have the guy who's actually currently occupying the number one spot looking as clueless as ever. In between, we have numerous bit-part players coming in and trying to get their 15 minutes of fame, like Dr Mahathir, Mr Balasubramaniam, Mr Saiful, Mr Syed Hamid Albar, the 'good person' IGP, inter-alia.

And the "fight" between the two contenders for the number one post! My god, what kind of fight is this la? Some kind of No Holes (pun intended) Barred streetfight ah? Or the kind of fight where it is only allowed to hit below the belt ah? The only rule of this fight seems to be who can screw whose arse harder or faster or deeper is the winner. I mean, here are two guys supposedly contesting the highest position of power in the country but using the lowest means possible. The shit being slung at each other really seems to be just sliding out non-stop from sodomised asses, don't you think?

And by the way, who the fuck is the IGP to threaten us that the military may have to be used to maintain order on the streets? Since when did the police chief give orders to the military? Or is it some kind of threat or warning to us so that we will not to gather this Sunday to protest against our reducing standard of living. That's what it is actually. The protest gathering this Sunday is going to see hundreds of thousands, if not the one million the organisers are hoping for, of people turning up not because they want to protest the fuel price increase alone. What ordinary Malaysians are protesting against is the reduction of the standard of their life and lifestyle, at the expense of some fat, greedy bastards calling themselves the government.

Our basic message is simple, "Don't ask us to tighten our belts while gorging yourselves. Don't ask us to change our lifestyle to a minimalistic one while you change yours to a more extravagant one."

The one news today that really made a lot of folks smile is the reassurance given by Badawi that there will not be military rule, emergency etc. and that we are very stable, nothing to worry about, etc, etc. People smiled not so much due to his reassuring message or tone, rather because if this is his flip, then his flop will probably be the exact opposite.

Seriously, if I could afford it, I would take all my family and leave the country immediately for the next few months at least. You see, Badawi said there WILL NOT be any emergency or military rule. You all know what happens whenever Badawi says WILL NOT right? Cos I'm pretty convinced that if the shit really hits the fan and violence were to erupt, Badawi and his family would be the first to leave the country.

All in all, this sandiwara or Drama Minggu Ini has long ago lost it's plot. There's only so much of Mr Bean you can watch also. After about 6 hours you'll probably feel like strangling the bugger. The longer new plots are thrown in or new characters are introduced, that much longer our country is going further down. Don't ask further down in what. It'd be easier to list what areas we are not going downwards in.

Instead of asking what the hell is happening in or to our country, maybe it's time to make something happen. The way the people want it!

Still don't know her, Mr Najib?

Whoa... I didn't know about this yesterday or I would definitely have asked DPM Najib about this. Well, looks like the shit is hitting the fan now, isn't it? My only gripe or niggling feeling about this is why don't people with information like this come out early with it...

Ya..ya...ya, better late then never, you say, but by delaying like this, they are just opening themselves up to doubts about their motives and sincerity...

Well anyway, below is the full SD as declared by Razak's bodyguard, Mr Balasubramaniam.....

The following is the full 16-page statutory declaration sign by Abdul Razak Baginda's private investigor P Balasubramaniam on July 1.

MCPX

I, Balasubramaniam a/l Perumal ... do solemly and sincerely declare as follows:

1. I have been a police officer with the Royal Malaysian Police Force, having joined as a constable in 1981 attached to the police field force. I was then promoted to the rank of lance corporal and finally resigned from the police force in 1998 when I was with the Special Branch.

2. I have been working as a freelance private investigator since I left the police force.

3. Sometime in June or July 2006, I was employed by Abdul Razak Baginda for a period of 10 days to look after him at his office at the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang between the hours of 8am to 5pm each working day as apparently he was experiencing disturbances from a third party.

4. I resigned from this job after 2½ days as I was not receiving any proper instructions.

5. I was however re-employed by Abdul Razak Baginda on the Oct 5, 2006 as he had apparently received a harassing phone call from a Chinese man calling himself ASP Tan who had threatened him to pay his debts. I later found out this gentleman was in fact a private investigator called Ang who was employed by a Mongolian woman called Altantuya Shaaribuu.

6. Abdul Razak Baginda was concerned that a person by the name of Altantuya Shaaribuu, a Mongolian woman, was behind this threat and that she would be arriving in Malaysia very soon to try and contact him.

7. Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that he was concerned by this as he had been advised that Altantuya Shaaribuu had been given some powers by a Mongolian ‘bomoh’ and that he could never look her in the face because of this.

8. When I enquired as to who this Mongolian woman was, Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that she was a friend of his who had been introduced to him by a VIP and who asked him to look after her financially.

9. I advised him to lodge a police report concerning the threatening phone call he had received from the Chinese man known as ASP Tan but he refused to do so as he informed me there were some high-profile people involved.

10. Abdul Razak Baginda further told me that Altantuya Shaaribuu was a great liar and good in convincing people. She was supposed to have been very demanding financially and that he had even financed a property for her in Mongolia.

11. Abdul Razak Baginda then let me listen to some voice messages on his handphone asking him to pay what was due otherwise he would be harmed and his daughter harassed.

12. I was therefore supposed to protect his daughter Rowena as well.

13. On Oct 9, 2006 I received a phone call from Abdul Razak Baginda at about 9.30am informing me that Altantuya was in his office and he wanted me there immediately. As I was in the midst of a surveillance, I sent my assistant Suras to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office and I followed a little later. Suras managed to control the situation and had persuaded Altantuya and her two friends to leave the premises. However Altantuya left a note written on some Hotel Malaya notepaper, in English, asking Abdul Razak Baginda to call her on her handphone (number given) and wrote down her room number as well.

14. Altantuya had introduced herself to Suras as ‘Aminah’ and had informed Suras she was there to see her boyfriend Abdul Razak Baginda.

15. These three Mongolian girls however returned to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office at the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang again, the next day at about 12 noon. They did not enter the building but again informed Suras that they wanted to meet Aminah’s boyfriend, Abdul Razak Baginda.

16. On Oct 11, 2006, Aminah returned to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office on her own and gave me a note to pass to him, which I did. Abdul Razak Baginda showed me the note which basically asked him to call her urgently.

17. I suggested to Abdul Razak Baginda that perhaps it may be wise to arrange for Aminah to be arrested if she harassed him further, but he declined as he felt she would have to return to Mongolia as soon as her cash ran out.

18. In the meantime, I had arranged for Suras to perform surveillance on Hotel Malaya to monitor the movements of these three Mongolian girls, but they recognised him. Apparently they become friends with Suras after that and he ended up spending a few nights in their hotel room.

19. When Abdul Razak Baginda discovered Suras was becoming close to Aminah he asked me to pull him out from Hotel Malaya.

20. On the Oct 14, 2006, Aminah turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house in Damansara Heights when I was not there. Abdul Razak Baginda called me on my handphone to inform me of this so I rushed back to his house. As I arrived, I noticed Aminah outside the front gates shouting “Razak, bastard, come out from the house”. I tried to calm her down but couldn’t, so I called the police who arrived in two patrol cars. I explained the situation to the police, who took her away to the Brickfields police station.

21. I followed the patrol cars to Brickfields police station in a taxi. I called Abdul Razak Baginda and his lawyer Dirren to lodge a police report but they refused.

22. When I was at the Brickfields police station, Aminah’s own private investigator, one Mr Ang arrived and we had a discussion. I was told to deliver a demand to Abdul Razak Baginda for US$500,000 and three tickets to Mongolia, apparently as commission owed to Aminah from a deal in Paris.

23. As Aminah had calmed down at this stage, a policewoman at the Brickfields police station advised me to leave and settle the matter amicably.

24. I duly informed Abdul Razak Baginda of the demands Aminah had made and told him I was disappointed that no one wanted to back me up in lodging a police report. We had a long discussion about the situation when I expressed a desire to pull out of this assignment.

25. During this discussion and in an attempt to persuade me to continue my employment with him, Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that:

1) He had been introduced to Aminah by Najib Razak at a diamond exhibition in Singapore.

2) Najib Razak informed Abdul Razak Baginda that he had a sexual relationship with Aminah and that she was susceptible to anal intercourse.

3) Najib Razak wanted Abdul Razak Baginda to look after Aminah as he did not want her to harass him since he was now the deputy prime minister.

4) Najib Razak, Abdul Razak Baginda and Aminah had all been together at a dinner in Paris.

5) Aminah wanted money from him as she felt she was entitled to a US$500,000 commission on a submarine deal she assisted with in Paris.

26. On Oct 19, 2006, I arrived at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house in Damansara Heights to begin my night duty. I had parked my car outside as usual. I saw a yellow Proton Perdana taxi pass by with three ladies inside, one of whom was Aminah. The taxi did a U-turn and stopped in front of the house where these ladies rolled down the window and wished me ‘Happy Deepavali’. The taxi then left.

27. About 20 minutes later the taxi returned with only Aminah in it. She got out of the taxi and walked towards me and started talking to me. I sent an SMS to Abdul Razak Baginda informing him “Aminah was here”. I received an SMS from Razak instructing me “to delay her until my man comes”.

28. Whist I was talking to Aminah, she informed me of the following:

1) That she met Abdul Razak Baginda in Singapore with Najib Razak.
2) That she had also met Abdul Razak Baginda and Najib Razak at a dinner in Paris.

3) That she was promised a sum of US$500,000.00 as commission for assisting in a submarine deal in Paris.

4) That Abdul Razak Baginda had bought her a house in Mongolia but her brother had refinanced it and she needed money to redeem it.

5) That her mother was ill and she needed money to pay for her treatment.

6) That Abdul Razak Baginda had married her in Korea as her mother is Korean whilst her father was a Mongolian/Chinese mix.

7) That if I wouldn’t allow her to see Abdul Razak Baginda, would I be able to arrange for her to see Najib Razak.

29. After talking to Aminah for about 15 minutes, a red Proton Aeroback arrived with a woman and two men. I now know the woman to be lance corporal Rohaniza and the men, Azilah Hadri and Sirul Azahar. They were all in plainclothes. Azilah walked towards me while the other two stayed in the car.

30. Azilah asked me whether the woman was Aminah and I said “Yes”. He then walked off and made a few calls on his handphone. After 10 minutes another vehicle, a blue Proton Saga, driven by a Malay man, passed by slowly. The drivers window had been wound down and the driver was looking at us.

31. Azilah then informed me they would be taking Aminah away. I informed Aminah they were arresting her. The other two persons then got out of the red Proton and exchanged seats so that lance corporal Rohaniza and Aminah were in the back while the two men were in the front. They drove off and that is the last I ever saw of Aminah.

32. Abdul Razak Baginda was not at home when all this occurred.

33. After Oct 19, 2006, I continued to work for Abdul Razak Baginda at his house in Damansara Heights from 7pm to 8am the next morning, as he had been receiving threatening text messages from a woman called ‘Amy’ who was apparently ‘Aminah’s’ cousin in Mongolia.

34. On the night of Oct 20, 2006, both of Aminah’s girlfriends turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house enquiring where Aminah was. I informed them she had been arrested the night before.

35. A couple of nights later, these two Mongolian girls, Mr Ang and another Mongolian girl called ‘Amy’ turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house looking for Aminah as they appeared to be convinced she was being held in the house.

36. A commotion began so I called the police who arrived shortly thereafter in a patrol car. Another patrol car arrived a short while later in which was the investigating officer from the Dang Wangi police station who was in charge of the missing persons report lodged by one of the Mongolians girls, I believe was Amy.

37. I called Abdul Razak Baginda who was at home to inform him of the events taking place at his front gate. He then called DSP Musa Safri and called me back informing me that Musa Safri would be calling handphone and I was to pass the phone to the inspector from Dang Wangi police station.

38. I then received a call on my handphone from Musa Safri and duly handed the phone to the Dang Wangi inspector. The conversation lasted 3-4 minutes after which he told the girls to disperse and to go to see him the next day.

39. On or about Oct 24, 2006, Abdul Razak Baginda instructed me to accompany him to the Brickfields police station as he had been advised to lodge a police report about the harassment he was receiving from these Mongolian girls.

40. Before this, Amy had sent me an SMS informing me she was going to Thailand to lodge a report with the Mongolian consulate there regarding Aminah’s disappearance. Apparently she had sent the same SMS to Abdul Razak Baginda. This is why he told me he had been advised to lodge a police report.

41. Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that DPS Musa Safri had introduced him to one DSP Idris, the head of the criminal division, Brickfields police station, and that Idris had referred him to ASP Tonny.

42. When Abdul Razak Baginda had lodged his police report at Brickfields police station, in front of ASP Tonny, he was asked to make a statement but he refused as he said he was leaving for overseas. He did however promise to prepare a statement and hand ASP Tonny a thumbdrive. I know that this was not done as ASP Tonny told me.

43. However ASP Tonny asked me the next day to provide my statement instead and so I did.

44. I stopped working for Abdul Razak Baginda on Oct 26, 2006 as this was the day he left for Hong Kong on his own.

45. In mid-November 2006, I received a phone call from ASP Tonny from the IPK Jalan Hang Tuah asking me to see him regarding Aminah’s case. When I arrived there I was immediately arrested under Section 506 of the Penal Code for criminal intimidation.

46. I was then placed in the lock up and remanded for five days. On the third day, I was released on police bail.

47. At the end of November 2006, the D9 department of the IPK sent a detective to my house to escort me to the IPK Jalan Hang Tuah. When I arrived, I was told I was being arrested under Section 302 of the Penal Code for murder. I was put in the lock up and remanded for seven days.

48. I was transported to Bukit Aman where I was interrogated and questioned about an SMS I had received from Abdul Razak Baginda on Oct 19, 2006 which read “delay her until my man arrives”. They had apparently retrieved this message from Abdul Razak Baginda’s handphone.

49. They then proceeded to record my statement from 8.30 am to 6pm everyday for seven consecutive days. I told them all I knew including everything Abdul Razak Baginda and Aminah had told me about their relationships with Najib Razak but when I came to sign my statement, these details had been left out.

50. I have given evidence in the trial of Azilah, Sirul and Abdul Razak Baginda at the Shah Alam High Court. The prosecutor did not ask me any questions in respect of Aminah’s relationship with Najib Razak or of the phone call I received from DSP Musa Safri, whom I believe was the ADC for Najib Razak and/or his wife.

51. On the day Abdul Razak Baginda was arrested, I was with him at his lawyers office at 6.30am. Abdul Razak Baginda informed us that he had sent Najib Razak an SMS the evening before as he refused to believe he was to be arrested, but had not received a response.

52. Shortly thereafter, at about 7.30am, Abdul Razak Baginda received an SMS from Najib Razak and showed, this message to both myself and his lawyer. This message read as follows: “ I am seeing IGP at 11am today … matter will be solved … be cool”.

53. I have been made to understand that Abdul Razak Baginda was arrested the same morning at his office in the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang.

54. The purpose of this Statutory declaration is to:

1) State my disappointment at the standard of investigations conducted by the authorities into the circumstances surrounding the murder of Altantuya Shaaribuu.

2) Bring to the notice of the relevant authorities the strong possibility that there are individuals other than the three accused who must have played a role in the murder of Altantuya Shaaribuu.

3) Persuade the relevant authorities to reopen their investigations into this case immediately so that any fresh evidence may be presented to the court prior to submissions at the end of the prosecutions case.

4) Emphasise the fact that having been a member of the Royal Malaysian Police Force for 17 years, I am absolutely certain no police officer would shoot someone in the head and blow up their body without receiving specific instructions from their superiors first.

5) Express my concern that should the defence not be called in the said murder trial, the accused, Azilah and Sirul will not have to swear on oath and testify as to the instructions they received and from whom they were given.

55. And I make this solemn declaration conscientiously believing the same be true and by virtue of the provisions of the Statutory Declaration Act 1960.

Balasubramaniam a/l Perumal
July 1, 2008


Taken from Malaysiakini.com

Interview with Dato' Seri Najib

Seriously, I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. I mean, I was in a mamak shop, with Jaden, and there were loads of other people around also, but i just couldn't help it. The headline of The SUN cracked me up and I burst into fits of laughter.

NAJIB: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!

That was the headline.

Duh! What, were you really expecting him to say anything other than that? Lets just imagine for a minute that he had in fact said something else....

S (strinie): Dato', there have been rumors saying you know about the most recent allegations concerning Anwar Ibrahim (AI). Any comment?

DSN (Dato' Seri Najib): You mean the allegations of main belakang? It wasn't a surprise to me la.

S: You mean you knew about it?

DSN: Of course la I know about it, I am the Deputy Prime Minister... Everything also I must know, otherwise cannot survive la.

S: In that case, Dato', is there any truth behind the allegations? Is AI really into that kind of sexual activity?

DSN: I don't know la, I know my wife tak suka kalu saya nak try ngan dia. That one, you kena ask his wife la. But no, the allegations I know is not true punya... Macam last time also same, we just bikin cerita, bagi sedap sikit, rakyat also will believe...

S: But repeating the sodomy allegation again, Dato', aren't you worried this time the rakyat won't believe it?

DSN: Maybe, but maybe they also still believe. But tak apa, tak jadi masalah. I am the DPM, this is our government. Kita yang run the country, so kita boleh make the arrangements. Just put in the main papers and tv and repeat a few days or weeks, the rakyat can believe it.

S: But aren't the rakyat relying more on the internet for their news nowadays?

DSN: That one only in KL, Penang, Ipoh, JB, Kuantan, big cities only. The makcik and pakcik still believe the normal newspapers. For them, they will see the paper and the news about Anwar, and it is enough for them. Even if there is no court case ke, no evidence ke, apa pun takpe juga, the makcik and pakcik won't vote for him anymore because he main belakang....hehe...

S: But in the event there is a court case, don't you think it will be difficult to convict AI again for something that the court has already overturned?

DSN: Overturn, convict, evidence, judge, AG, is all belongs to the government la... So difficult for you to understand? We put our man to make the report, we put our man to investigate the report, we put our man to take action on the investigation, we put our man to charge in court, then our man is the judge also, how can the case be lost?

S: In other words, Dato', can you confirm that you and your government have everything to do with this allegations?

DSN: Of course! This was planned by us and done by us, so how can we say we don't know or don't have anything to do with it? That would be lying wouldn't it? Any you all know that the BN government doesn't lie to the rakyat.

S: Thank you, Dato' Seri.

This would have been one heck of a newspaper report wouldn't it? I don't know, we'll never know. What I do know is it wouldn't have made me laugh so much....


ps. the above is entirely a figment of my imagination and never transpired in actual fact.