Just do your own FU*#@NG jobs and Malaysia really will Boleh.

Malaysia Boleh. Well we all know how that one turned out don't we? It started out pretty well, I should say. Initially it was used as a unifying cry, a slogan or phrase that was supposed to be symbolic to all Malaysians. In the same way that Liverpool supporters the world over get goosebumps when they hear the phrase "You'll never walk alone", Malaysians from all walks of life the world over felt a sense of pride when we heard "Malaysia Boleh".

But fast forward to today and we all know that the phrase Malaysia Boleh stands for and is indicative of all that is wrong with our country. Today, Malaysia Boleh is no more something to be proud of. It is used in an insulting way to say that our country is a land where anything is possible. And in case anyone is still not very clear, most of these possibilities are of the negative kind.

For example, we have a Deputy Prime Minister who is so down to earth and close to his constituents and the common folk, that college dropouts can drop by his office to discuss obtaining scholarships. Now, the fact that there is an Education Ministry and a Higher Education Ministry plus the Public Services Department dealing with scholarships added to the fact that the Deputy Prime Minister's office doesn't do scholarships, is another prime example of Malaysia Boleh in action.

Not satisfied with the empathy he shares with the common folk regarding their education, the Deputy Prime Minister also leaves his house door open to all and sundry to come and share their problems with him. Well, Malaysia Boleh.

Anyway, that's all yesterday's news.

Today's newspapers provided yet again another prime example of Malaysia Boleh as exemplified by our leaders. This time it is the Prime Minister himself. As though not having enough on his plate as the leader of the country and the Minister in charge of the finances of the country, he has now taken on the role as spokesperson for the royal Malaysian Police. Yup, with the image of the police force already in shambles as it is, our Prime Minister has been appointed as their spokesman. Whether this exercise is to provide a better or softer image of the force is still up to debate, but what is certain is that it in itself is an exercise in futility. Just as it would be futile to get Saddam Hussein to build up Osama Bin Laden's image.

Or could it be that the Prime Minister has heeded the Ketua Setiausaha Negara's advice to all civil servants and gotten himself another job to supplement his income in these days of belt tightening? Whatever it is, the Prime Minister speaking on behalf of the Police or even speaking to the police regarding an ongoing case which involves one of the Prime Minister's closest political adversaries is just what is needed to make the whole thing seem more like the conspiracy that everyone believes it is.

In any case, below is the report from the online edition of The Star from 19th July 2008 which carried this Malaysia Boleh report. I have included in between the report certain comments and questions that cropped up in my head as i was reading it.

Saturday July 19, 2008

Abdullah urges Anwar to give sample for DNA test

By V.P. SUJATA

PUTRAJAYA: There is no political conspiracy against PKR leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said. (Yeah right! Why would there be? After all, Anwar Ibrahim is irrelevant, isn't he? He only happens to be ONE of the guys interested in your job, right?)

Abdullah also guaranteed Anwar's safety in facing investigations into the sodomy allegation and urged him to allow the authorities to take a sample for DNA test. (I believe you, Anwar believes you, heck the whole country believes you. We saw you arranging for his safety by arranging a convoy of police vehicles to bring him safely to the police station waaay before his appointed time, right?)

Abdullah said no one should believe there was a conspiracy against Anwar although he could not stop the international perception that this was happening. (Err, can you stop anything that's happening ah, you lame limp donkey dick?)

“They said it is something like what had happened before. If one wants to believe, how do we control such things?

“What they are accusing us of is not right at all,” he told reporters here yesterday after launching Hydrofuel, a gadget to help reduce fuel consumption in cars. (I was curious why this little snippet of info was slipped in here. Anyone got any idea who's behind the company importing or marketing this Hydrofuel product?)

Abdullah gave his assurance that investigations into the sodomy allegation against Anwar would be conducted professionally. (By what or whose standards of professionalism are we talking about here, Mr PM? FYI, there exists even professional con artists and professional thieves)

He said he had met Anwar's wife Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail, who is PKR president, and party vice-president Azmin Ali and guaranteed them Anwar's safety.

“I can give the assurance. (Like all your other assurances - wedding, election, petrol price? Dei, I also can give assurances la, about anything I want.)

“His wife had met me to ensure there will not be a repeat of the earlier 'black eye' incident.”

He said Azmin had also asked for assurance and he had guaranteed that Anwar would be safe.

“We will investigate according to the provisions of the law,” he said. (But you guys have been known to shift the goalpoasts whenever you need to, what?)

Abdullah said a fresh DNA sample from Anwar was necessary to facilitate investigations.

“The DNA sample the authorities have is too old so they need a new sample. What is wrong with that? (What is wrong with that? What is wrong with that? Go do your homework first before vomiting out information that your stupid speechwriter gives you la. Didn't you read what the DNA experts had to say, that DNA can last for years?)

“If he insists that he is not involved (in sodomy as alleged), give the sample now and we will see the results as proof,” he said. (Can't he also invoke the 'Wallabi Wahallabi' [or something like that] oath that your deputy used, to declare his innocence?)

He added that police wanted to solve the case fast but were unable to do so due to difficulties in getting the DNA sample. (Solve the case fast or put him away fast, Mr PM?)

“If we wanted to complete the case fast, it could have been done yesterday but (it is) not finished yet,” Abdullah said. (WE? WE? Who the flying f*#% is WE? Since when did you join the police force la dei? Or are you saying that the WE is the government, and if you wanted, you could have finished him off yesterday?)

Malaysia Boleh? Go figure

What's Happening La? Who cares, Lets make something happen.

This is becoming more and more irritating by the day. We have long passed the stage where this whole drama was actually a tiny bit interesting. It is now more like a comedy that has gone stale and is not funny anymore. It is now just plain stupid, imbecilic and a complete waste of everybody's time and intelligence. Or wait, could that be the big idea? Could that be what whoever is conducting this stage show is hoping for? That we get so sick and tired of it, that we lose interest and let whatever will be, to just bloody well be lah.... Que sera sera, Malaysia version?

I don't know. I really don't know. On one hand, we have the number two leader in the country and the guy trying to outwit him into the number one spot, sparring with each other. Then we have the guy who's actually currently occupying the number one spot looking as clueless as ever. In between, we have numerous bit-part players coming in and trying to get their 15 minutes of fame, like Dr Mahathir, Mr Balasubramaniam, Mr Saiful, Mr Syed Hamid Albar, the 'good person' IGP, inter-alia.

And the "fight" between the two contenders for the number one post! My god, what kind of fight is this la? Some kind of No Holes (pun intended) Barred streetfight ah? Or the kind of fight where it is only allowed to hit below the belt ah? The only rule of this fight seems to be who can screw whose arse harder or faster or deeper is the winner. I mean, here are two guys supposedly contesting the highest position of power in the country but using the lowest means possible. The shit being slung at each other really seems to be just sliding out non-stop from sodomised asses, don't you think?

And by the way, who the fuck is the IGP to threaten us that the military may have to be used to maintain order on the streets? Since when did the police chief give orders to the military? Or is it some kind of threat or warning to us so that we will not to gather this Sunday to protest against our reducing standard of living. That's what it is actually. The protest gathering this Sunday is going to see hundreds of thousands, if not the one million the organisers are hoping for, of people turning up not because they want to protest the fuel price increase alone. What ordinary Malaysians are protesting against is the reduction of the standard of their life and lifestyle, at the expense of some fat, greedy bastards calling themselves the government.

Our basic message is simple, "Don't ask us to tighten our belts while gorging yourselves. Don't ask us to change our lifestyle to a minimalistic one while you change yours to a more extravagant one."

The one news today that really made a lot of folks smile is the reassurance given by Badawi that there will not be military rule, emergency etc. and that we are very stable, nothing to worry about, etc, etc. People smiled not so much due to his reassuring message or tone, rather because if this is his flip, then his flop will probably be the exact opposite.

Seriously, if I could afford it, I would take all my family and leave the country immediately for the next few months at least. You see, Badawi said there WILL NOT be any emergency or military rule. You all know what happens whenever Badawi says WILL NOT right? Cos I'm pretty convinced that if the shit really hits the fan and violence were to erupt, Badawi and his family would be the first to leave the country.

All in all, this sandiwara or Drama Minggu Ini has long ago lost it's plot. There's only so much of Mr Bean you can watch also. After about 6 hours you'll probably feel like strangling the bugger. The longer new plots are thrown in or new characters are introduced, that much longer our country is going further down. Don't ask further down in what. It'd be easier to list what areas we are not going downwards in.

Instead of asking what the hell is happening in or to our country, maybe it's time to make something happen. The way the people want it!

Interview with Dato' Seri Najib

Seriously, I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. I mean, I was in a mamak shop, with Jaden, and there were loads of other people around also, but i just couldn't help it. The headline of The SUN cracked me up and I burst into fits of laughter.

NAJIB: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!

That was the headline.

Duh! What, were you really expecting him to say anything other than that? Lets just imagine for a minute that he had in fact said something else....

S (strinie): Dato', there have been rumors saying you know about the most recent allegations concerning Anwar Ibrahim (AI). Any comment?

DSN (Dato' Seri Najib): You mean the allegations of main belakang? It wasn't a surprise to me la.

S: You mean you knew about it?

DSN: Of course la I know about it, I am the Deputy Prime Minister... Everything also I must know, otherwise cannot survive la.

S: In that case, Dato', is there any truth behind the allegations? Is AI really into that kind of sexual activity?

DSN: I don't know la, I know my wife tak suka kalu saya nak try ngan dia. That one, you kena ask his wife la. But no, the allegations I know is not true punya... Macam last time also same, we just bikin cerita, bagi sedap sikit, rakyat also will believe...

S: But repeating the sodomy allegation again, Dato', aren't you worried this time the rakyat won't believe it?

DSN: Maybe, but maybe they also still believe. But tak apa, tak jadi masalah. I am the DPM, this is our government. Kita yang run the country, so kita boleh make the arrangements. Just put in the main papers and tv and repeat a few days or weeks, the rakyat can believe it.

S: But aren't the rakyat relying more on the internet for their news nowadays?

DSN: That one only in KL, Penang, Ipoh, JB, Kuantan, big cities only. The makcik and pakcik still believe the normal newspapers. For them, they will see the paper and the news about Anwar, and it is enough for them. Even if there is no court case ke, no evidence ke, apa pun takpe juga, the makcik and pakcik won't vote for him anymore because he main belakang....hehe...

S: But in the event there is a court case, don't you think it will be difficult to convict AI again for something that the court has already overturned?

DSN: Overturn, convict, evidence, judge, AG, is all belongs to the government la... So difficult for you to understand? We put our man to make the report, we put our man to investigate the report, we put our man to take action on the investigation, we put our man to charge in court, then our man is the judge also, how can the case be lost?

S: In other words, Dato', can you confirm that you and your government have everything to do with this allegations?

DSN: Of course! This was planned by us and done by us, so how can we say we don't know or don't have anything to do with it? That would be lying wouldn't it? Any you all know that the BN government doesn't lie to the rakyat.

S: Thank you, Dato' Seri.

This would have been one heck of a newspaper report wouldn't it? I don't know, we'll never know. What I do know is it wouldn't have made me laugh so much....


ps. the above is entirely a figment of my imagination and never transpired in actual fact.

Cravings

What goes around certainly does come back around doesn't it? Or would you prefer to say history has a knack of repeating itself? Aww heck, for the fun of it, why don't we just say that the "Bhai Style" is back in vogue again? Yeah....our political bigwigs are back at it again. They're taking the phrase "I'm gonna get your ass for this" to a new (ok, maybe not so new) and downright ludicrous level.

Oh no, not again, please.... Why are our politicians so unnaturally (or naturally) attracted to an act that is deemed unnatural by our law? What is it about Sodomy that gets our politicians' knickers in tight knots? Is that the easiest crime to charge someone with? Or is it a crime that effectively kills two birds with one stone? Makes the accused a criminal, because it is a crime in Malaysian law, and also makes the accused an outcast among the ordinary folk - waah...dia nie suka main belakang orang tau, jaga-jaga ngan dia, jangan toleh belakang atau bend-down depan dia....

I can't help but be amazed with the timing of the accusations man... Raja Petra says he was on the brink of receiving some damaging info from Anwar when this happens. The shock waves from the SD of last week hasn't abated much either. So is this a diversionary measure or a way of telling Anwar we can get your ass anytime we want to?

Then we have our flip-flop PM. Allow me to digress here a bit. Flip-flop in itself carries an image of inconsistency, doesn't it? So in the case of our PM, who's so consistent in his inconsistency (flip-flops), can we still address him as Mr Flip-flop? Just something to chew on...

Anyway, back to PM Badawi. According to him and his extensive knowledge of the law and how it works, together with his knowledge of Human Psychology, when someone is accused, he or she will definitely deny it. Here he was obviously referring to Anwar. Anwar has been accused, so he will definitely deny it. If this is his flop, then his flip must have been when he came to the defense of his deputy last week when the deputy was accused of being involved in the murder of Altantuya Shaariibu. When Badawi's deputy was accused, not only the deputy, but Badawi himself, his son-in-law, the Attorney General all jumped to his defense.

Anyway, I'm going to stop here for definitely there's more to crawl out from the cracks (not butt cracks) of this story...

Oh...and if you're wondering the connection between the title and the post, it's a 10 year old inside joke in Malaysia. What is the most famous mee (rice noodle) in Malaysia? Sodo-mee. And right now I am very hungry and am craving for, you guessed it, some Sodo-mee...